Ask Amy: A Couple Should Learn the Art of Compromise

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a wonderful, stable and loving relationship. We welcomed a new baby this year.

Neither of our relatives live in our state (on the west coast), and it’s hard not to have a helpful “village” nearby.

We have a great group of friends, but lately I’ve felt unsettled.

I have lived in our city for over seven years and the crime rate has increased in recent years, which makes me feel unsafe.

Our town has been ransacked and looks like a skeleton of what it used to be.

I would like to move to be closer to my parents and try another city and a new adventure.

My husband opposes the move because he loves our current town and our friends here. The idea of ​​leaving makes him sad.

We’re at a crossroads because I’m unhappy if we stay, and he might be unhappy if we leave.

Separation is not an option, we are too in love to live apart.

We plan to visit my parents over the holidays to check if a move is something we’d like to do, but what if we both don’t?

This is a major thing to compromise on.

What do you suggest?

Should I stay or should I go?

– Torn up

Dear Torn: Do you remember the wording of the traditional wedding vow?

Marriage is not just about celebrating the “best”. Sometimes that means tolerating the “worst” until both parties agree on what is best for the family.

Compromise does not always result in both parties being equally happy at the same time. Compromise sometimes involves one party saying, “I’ll do it for now, and we’ll agree to weigh the scales in my favor next time.”

This will partly depend on your jobs and employment options, but telecommuting has opened up the possibility for some families to choose where to live.

Your idea of ​​exploring location options together is great – and that’s exactly what you should be doing.

You both need to commit to communicating about it and resolve to keep an open mind as you seek balance.

Dear Amy: I live in an apartment complex in Denver, in a very nice and fun neighborhood populated by young professionals. I don’t like to complain about the noise. I live in town, after all!

But there’s a hunting dog somewhere a few blocks away that barks and whines intermittently, all day.

It looks so sad, and maybe it needs to be taken outside? I

in fact, I don’t even know where the dog is because he is very noisy and yet could be far away.

Guess there’s not much I can do unless I know what apartment it is in.

If I locate him, should I ring the bell and ask if there is anything I can do to help?

I don’t want to force myself to walk this dog every day, but what should I do? Should I just suck it?

– B in Big D

Dear B: That poor dog uses his voice, and you have to use yours too.

If you are able to determine which building the dog is in, you should contact the person in charge of that building. (Other neighbors have no doubt done the same.) Under no circumstances should you “bumble” and offer to walk this dog.

After that, dial 311.

This is from the Denver City Government page (denvergov.org):

“DAP [Denver Animal Protection] will not take an anonymous barking dog complaint, which means you must leave your details with a 311 agent. The agent will then route your call to the DAP, who will send a warning or courtesy note to the dog’s owner l informing of the complaint. This letter details the barking dog ordinance and gives the owner the opportunity to resolve the issue. »

Dear Amy: I recently moved to a part of the country that is very white and very Baptist.

I agree with people’s involvement with their churches, but how can I answer the common question here about which church I belong to?

I’m not particularly religious and I grew up in the Jewish faith.

– Not sure

Dear Not Sure: There are definitely parts of the country where, “What’s your church” is a common “getting to know you” question.

“I’m not particularly religious and I grew up Jewish” works well. It also has the advantage of being true.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy Where Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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