Patagonia Clothing Founder Donated Entire Company Worth $3 Billion To Nonprofits Who Are Fighting Climate Change Like A Fool

The billionaire founder of outdoor clothing brand Patagonia is selling the company to a trust that will use its profits to fight the climate crisis.

Yvon Chouinard, 83, said Wednesday that instead of selling the business or taking it public, he would transfer ownership from his family to the trust and a nonprofit.

Chouinard rose to fame for his alpine climbs in Yosemite National Park and has a net worth of $1.2 billion.

Every year, the money we earn after reinvesting in the business will be distributed as a dividend to help fight the crisis,” he wrote in an open letter on the company’s website, which bears the words “The Earth is now our sole shareholder”.

“Instead of extracting value from nature and turning it into wealth for investors, we will use the wealth created by Patagonia to protect the source of all wealth.”

The Patagonia founder took a more direct approach in an interview with The New York Times, saying, “I hope this influences a new form of capitalism that doesn’t end up with a few rich and a bunch of poor people.”

“We are going to give the maximum amount of money to people who are actively working to save this planet.

“The Earth is our sole shareholder now”–Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard.

This is perhaps the most self-congratulatory and pretentious statement of all time. I like the Patagonia brand. What suburban white guy in his thirties hasn’t worn the cardigan or the fleece jacket and maybe a trucker hat trying to give his wardrobe a hint of granola with some patagonia to let the girls know that “hey, i care about the earth, despite my pasty skin, i’ve been outside (up and down on dad’s convertible), and i shop in places other than jcrew and banana republic”? I’m also really cool with people doing what they want with their business and their money. You want to give it away, that’s fine with me. You’ve earned that right to piss off your kids.

Donating it to nonprofits focused on climate change though… puking. Not because it’s not a good cause, but because there are a million of these organizations and not one of them has the power to reverse or slow climate change. None of them have even a 1% success history. Mr. Chouinard better light that money even with the carbon that a $3 billion bonfire would release into the atmosphere.

I would like a billion dollars to fund my climate change ideas called “holes and gutters”. Longtime listeners know about these plans, and science is apparently already stealing one of them. Just… make more ice cream

I had an idea to simply take cold water from the bottom of the ocean and bring it to the surface with a series of electric sump pumps powered by solar panels. This kind of instagram looks like this.

My other idea is a gutter and channel system. When the glaciers start to melt, all you have to do is install a gutter system at the base to catch that water and then send it back to where the glacier play is coming from. Much further inland, it freezes again. Glaciers in permanent loop. Problem solved.

Next…my favorite idea…holes.

TL: DR…any place that has a depression on a continent that you just filled with water. This place in the photo is the Qattara Depression in Egypt. Nobody lives there. Nobody goes there. It’s in the desert but not so far from the Mediterranean Sea. You build a channel and fill the depression with water. They say that if you filled this area with water, it would create so much moisture in the air that the Sahara Desert would receive enough precipitation to turn into grassland. You know what the best system ever to capture carbon is…grasslands.

Give me $3 billion and I’ll fix it all. Just need to think outside the box. Invest money in climate change projects not climate change activism where kids are running around shouting, protesting and bullying world leaders to shut down nuclear power plants across the country Europe until they were forced to start burning coal again due to an energy shortage they somehow didn’t see coming.

About Oscar L. Smith

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